Beer Quotes

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
-Cliff Clavin, of Cheers

"Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine."
-David Moulton

"Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862!"
-Anonymous

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
-Brian O'Rourke

"Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me."
-Winston Churchill

"People who drink light 'beer' don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot."
-Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
-Dean Martin
"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
-Humphrey Bogart

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed - Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'"
-Jack Handy

"Make sure that the beer - four pints a week - goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop."
-Winston Churchill to his Secretary of War, 1944

"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her."
-W.C. Fields

"Everybody has to believe in something.....I believe I'll have another drink."
-W.C. Fields

"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."
-Dave Barry

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."
-Ernest Hemmingway

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
-Benjamin Franklin

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."
-For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway

"I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer."
-Abraham Lincoln

"We old folks have to find our cushions and pillows in our tankards. Strong beer is the milk of the old."
-Martin Luther

"Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time."
-Catherine Zandonella

"They who drink beer will think beer."
-Washington Irving

"One of the hallmarks of the baby boomer generation is that it doesn't live like the previous generation. It hasn't yet given up jeans and T-shirts or beer."
-Ron Klugman, SVP, Coors Brewing

"I drink to make other people interesting."
-George Jean Nathan

"May your glass be ever full. May the roof over your head be always strong. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead."
-Old Irish Toast

"A bar is better than a newspaper for public discussion."
-Jim Parker, on the importance of a healthy pub culture

"He was a wise man who invented beer."
-Plato
"God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?"

-Restroom in The Irish Times, Washington DC

"I never met a pub I didn't like."
-Pete Slosberg, Founder of Pete's Brewing Company

"I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer."
-Homer Simpson

"This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption... Beer!"
-Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, Friar Tuck

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
-Frank Sinatra

"[I recommend]… bread, meat, vegetables and beer."
-Sophocles' philosophy of a moderate diet

"Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire."
-David Rains Wallace

"Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world."
-Kaiser Welhelm

"Work is the curse of the drinking class."
-Oscar Wilde

"Who does not love beer, wine, women and song remains a fool his whole life long."
-Carl Worner

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
-Henny Youngman

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
-Stephen Wright

"A quart of ale is a dish for a king."
-William Shakespeare

"I would give all my fame for a pot of ale and safety."
-Shakespeare, Henry V

"I do not drink more than a sponge."
-Rabelais, 17th-century French satirist

"I decided to stop drinking with creeps. I decided to drink only with friends. I've lost 30 pounds."
-Ernest Hemingway

"Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer."
-Henry Lawson

"I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion."
-Miguel De Cervantes

"Fill with mingled cream and amber, I will drain that glass again. Such hilarious visions clamber through the chambers of my brain. Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies, come to life and fade away. What care I how time advances? I am drinking ale
today."
-Edgar Allan Poe

"Whiskey's too rough, Champagne costs too much, Vodka puts my mouth in gear.
I hope this refrain, Will help me explain, As a matter of fact, I like beer."
-Tom T. Hall

"But if at church they would give some ale. And a pleasant fire our souls to regale.
We’d sing and we’d pray all the live long day, Nor ever once from the church to
stray."
-William Blake

"I work until beer o’clock."
-Steven King

"Keep your libraries, your penal institutions, your insane asylums... give me beer.
You think man needs rule, he needs beer. The world does not need morals, it
needs beer... The souls of men have been fed with indigestibles, but the soul could
make use of beer."
-Henry Miller

"In my opinion, most of the great men of the past were only there for the beer."
-A.J.P. Taylor, British historian

"There may be a few good men who don't drink, but they've got to prove it."
-Col. Lincoln Karmany, USMC

"Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it."
-Anonymous

"Beer - Because one doesn't solve the world's problems over white wine."
-Anonymous

"If beer and women aren't the answer, then you're asking the wrong questions."
-Anonymous

"The church is near, but the road is icy. The bar is far away, but I will walk carefully." -Russian proverb